Don’t ask, but I’m not supposed to be in here writing, but somehow, I don’t really feel like doing anything much tonight. Itinerary? Bah. Reading? Bah. Thinking? Bah. Sleeping? In a bit. Started thinking about the trip and wondering how I would come back. I know it is clichéd to look at the trip this way, but it’s a little stupid to deny that I planned for this trip without having ever harboured any of those thoughts. Would I come back wiser, enlightened about matters that I can’t currently debate my way through, or will I return, (more) cynical and exasperated, and find myself in the same place, wondering about the exact same questions that sent me away in the first place? No point thinking about that now, but somehow the brain has been wired to disobey. Let’s take a leave of absence from thought.

Somehow, this makes me feel somewhat better. One of my favourites from Mayday – 候鳥.

Anyway, Japan. Hopefully, I will be posting regular updates here. Hopefully, hopefully.

Thinking, thinking. Last weekend, halfway through a rather long session of itinerary-planning, I realised that much as I love to visit every city, town, prefecture, and village in Japan, there is not a realistic chance in hell that I would be able to do that with my limited time (hello my-forgotten-return-date) and the very limited budget. And maybe, more importantly, a rushed lets-plant-flags trip would defeat the very purpose of going on a vacation. So, I’m trimming the itinerary, staring at more web pages that don’t make any sense, revisiting this entry, and wondering where on earth my good mood has gone.

Forget, regather, realise, farewell. Rain sounds like whatever it hits. The roof of a car, the wet uneven ground, pale yellow raincoats, upturned palms, and empty words.

Okay. It is 14 days. Two weeks. A fortnight. Half a month. This half-life-esque calculation is a little unnerving, seeing that nothing and nothing is completed. Nothing. Am I panicking yet? It’s a little unsettling but I kinda like this slight tinge of intense anxiety that goes “pingggggg” through me every time I think of what remains to be decided, planned etc etc etc. All in good time, part of me says; the other writes To-Buy lists in the phone and worries that she won’t find a nice toiletries bag, and counts hours, kilometres, and every single unit of measurement that can be relevant in this context (and this context, I assure you, has the tendency to expand with every thought).

The itinerary keeps threatening to balloon. I blame this. Am quite pleased that I’m reading this book before my trip and discovering new places that I might want to visit, but this also means that I need to find another book to bring along. Wondering if I should bring a thick one (heavy; I might decide to hate it), or just a couple of thinner ones (packing will not be fun; I ain’t no travelling library).

It’s October! Repeat until we are three weeks into the month.