我的驕傲無可救藥
我的懶惰也改不掉
我的脾氣控制不了
我都知道 我自己都知道。

Slightly confused. Not sure what this is supposed to be. The bed is crowded with things to pack, but the headache reigns and I wonder and wonder and branch off in different (half-arsed) languages and I think about how this goes, and this is how it goes, but nothing goes because nothing came, and wonder and wonder, and think that this must be a sign of things, and this is September, because September came and August went. And on an evening close to August’s end, on the strength of a single action sighted, I considered. There goes the head.

Not too sure what the title means.

- Mid-august. Already.

- So I bought myself the new iPhone, and it is goodbyes to DLSRs, holidays and my long-suffering scanner that has been waiting in a store somewhere since perhaps last year.

- I’ve resigned from my job of five years. Next month will be of new beginnings.

- I can’t really get over seeing Belle and Sebastian live. ciacia was wonderful too.

- Drawing after a long hiatus is pleasing, though I’m never happy with my drawings.

- Should I go up to Genting?

- I need to read more.

- It seems like I’ve deleted an app when I was reseting my phone yesterday. And that app has my many pages of journalling that I did in Japan last year. Good job, me. And I also forgot to do a backup of my Notes. Woohoo.

If nothing unexpected happens, at this time tomorrow, things would have been set once again in motion. A few years of stuttering and false starts, that’s all.

Recently, I:

- have gotten addicted to drinking hashima with red dates and rock sugar. It is a pricey addiction.

- have watched Toy Story 3, Taipei Exchanges, Nodame Cantabile The Finale and Inception. All, I liked in varying degrees. I think I need to watch more films for this year, which brings me to the next point:

- have bought many tickets for the Japanese Film Fest that is happening in August. I think I will be wandering around the National Museum for many, many nights in a row.

- have been trying to read, without any success. I feel a little ignorant of late, sadly. Books that are currently in half-read/molested mode: The Elegance of the Hedgehog, Blink, and Coin Locker Babies.

- have been wondering whether to get the iPhone 4. I’ve mentioned to a few that I would get it, but am now thinking maybe I can use the money for 1. a DSLR; 2. a short holiday; 3. boxes and boxes of Eu Yan Sang’s hashima.

- have moved a little closer to turning 28.

- have just reconsidered my photography ambitions (if they were even that in the first place), and have decided that I just like to take photos so hi, this is a big middle finger to rules-of-thirds, where-is-your-subject queries and things that shouldn’t had mattered but did.

- have just watched the clock turn tomorrow.

- like the scent of rain.

Lately, I’ve been partial to the easy. The easily-achieved, the easily-eaten, the easily-thought thoughts. And therefore, not much that should have been done has been done; and much that should have been decided has become well-acquainted with equivocation.

In more lucid news,
- no go for the SIPF this year. This wasn’t unexpected, but nonetheless a little disappointing.

- April and I will be participating in the YOG Noise Art bazaar at the end of August.

- We’ll also be having a little exhibition in September

- Belle and Sebastian in August!

So I guess, happy things > disappointing things.

Lately, I’ve been having the most dreaded you-are-almost-28, what-have-you-done-with-your-life thoughts. Where are you, who do you have, what shall you proceed from here. The answer to all above, I’m almost ecstatic to report, is I have no bloody idea. At least, that is pretty much unequivocal. That, and my constant craving for sashimi. Life has recently been consistently about being directionless and raw fish. Not many can say that.

What do people who know what they want to do think about?

Wanderlust is being kept in check, though I long, long, long for long, long, endless bus rides, like the ones I had in Japan, sleeping through journeys winding through sparsely inhabited villages and towns, listening to the sea and watching snow fall, cursing through attempts to take photographs on a moving vehicle, scribbling down half-awake moments that strike as poignant (only to realise writing in code only works if you remember how to decipher). How do you feel such ease in a country that you’ve only spent a total of 3 and a half months of your (nearly) 28 years in?

Here is a relative place. Random words. Random sentences. Get set go. Let go, let, go, let’s go. 見つける。
見つけられない。

July.

今年は、やっぱり寂しい。

August is turning out to be a rather exciting month. I know we’re still in June.

And then we’ve started wondering what this year has brought. We are all singular here, but thoughts are more credible when someone else shares the same sentiment. And here we are, thoughts and more thoughts, and midway through the year only to realise the year has not inched too much from March, maybe April, despite calendars protesting otherwise. But calendars are, after all, rather inanimate and if we’re saying that the year doesn’t feel like June yet, the year should just shut up and reverse itself.

But then, we would be in 2002.

It’s odd how busy you can get, and how that madness hasn’t translated into anything of note. We think of goals to meet, tasks to achieve, and we plan endeavors and tick off checkboxes; yet, every night resolves to a dinner and a procrastinating mind. Vicious cycles, true to their promise, keep to their revolutions. We assign others responsibility for us, then grumble at their neglect. Opportunities arise, only to get tainted by agendas. People get trickier. We get lazier.

Go ahead, make your next bold move.

Stasis. I’m on your side, when nobody is.
But, don’t I already know.

It’s odd that I only feel like writing here when it is past my planned bedtime. It’s odd that Monday rolls along before anyone misses it. It’s odd that I like to start entries by forming sentences that uses the same word. It’s odd that. Four sentences, and I’m out of odds. Odds and ends.

As it is, (is what, it is) 2010 is moving a tad too quickly for me. Too quickly for the me who too often decides that Sundays are best spent quarter-reading, quarter-watching the TV, quarter-eating and quarter-procrastinating. You could very well say that Sundays are 100% procrastination, but really, is anyone that mean?

Listening to relatively old songs on the PC. It’s odd that I keep my music in two different folders, and that my iTunes and Windows Media Player don’t share songs. Odd habits lead to odd bouts of nostalgia.

Listening to Consequence of Sounds by Ms. Spektor.

So, I’m off for a short(-ish) work-related trip in mid May, and for that, I’m very grateful and happy. Can’t wait to get out of this weather, to learn new things, to get out of the photography inertia, and to do some much-needed walking.